Miisa’s typical day

My cell light comes on at 7:00. Then I know that it is time to wake up.  The Guard will come to my cell at 7:15 – 8:00. I can hear my department door lock open and know that in a moment he will also open the cell door lock.  He is carrying my clothes, I can choose my own clothes the night before and if they are approved by the Guard, he will bring them along.

He opens the lock that attaches my hobblechain to the foot of the bed, and then opens the chain that attaches my collar to the head of the bed.  Maybe you think I am then “free”, but in fact it is hard for me to move because I’m on my tummy and my hands are handcuffed behind my back .

Many have asked how I am able to sleep in that position … it was difficult at first but after a few weeks it became a natural way to sleep.   The arms are resting at my side, and my wrists are behind the back, palms facing up. Usually I have neoprene or leather bracelets under the cuffs, to prevent the cuffs digging into the skin of the wrist.

The position is also very effective for control.  The Guard assists me up, I can usually sit on the bed for a moment in peace. After that, he leads me to the bathroom / toilet.  He locks the wall chain to my collar. The chain is long enough that I can sit on the loo and take a shower, and no more.  He takes off my handcuffs, gives me a toothbrush, soap, etc. and I have 10 minutes to do my job. The Guard usually sits on my bed so that he can see me all the time.

After showering, he gives me a towel and I can dry myself. After this I usually wrap a towel on my head to make the hair dry.  10 minutes is not the exact time, it may be longer (depending on the schedule of the guard). During this time, the guard brings in a small bench from outside the cell.

He puts the handcuffs on me again, behind my back, and leads me to the cell wall. The trip is 3 meters, but even then I need to have the handcuffs.  When I am at the wall, he locks a short wall chain  to my collar. I kneel on the bench, facing the wall, and he opens my leg cuffs. When I stand again, he moves the bench away. I must be constantly facing the wall.

The guard will dress me in panties because the wall chain is so short that I can not bend down. I raise my foot up at his command.  The panties always have in addition a a big panty liner or thin diaper, such as is used when there is a problem with urinary incontinence. I like to think that it is a panty liner.

Next comes a cotton tube for the upper body. Then come to my tights/pantyhose. They keep the panty pad in place.   Next my corset is put on over the tube.  He leaves it loose because my hands are behind my back.   Finally, he puts the boots on me. To that end, I bend my knees while on the bench. I have a number of boots but there is a pair I wear most often.  The heel is  4 cm and the shape is comfortable to wear. They are less than knee-high, and the part at the lower leg is pretty tight.

I also have shoes but all of them are equipped with a lockable ankle strap.  The boots are easier to use in practice, the guard thinks so.  Finally, he locks on my leg cuffs, which lock the boots on my leg. The daytime legcuffs are connected to a hobble chain which have a connector chain in the middle of it.

The next step is that I stand again. The guard can keep his legs on my hobble  to make sure that I can not move. The floor has a locking point, but it is not generally used. He removes my handcuffs. I need to stand so that my forehead and hands are touching  the wall. It’s nice that I have a towel on my head. He tightens my corset then, locks the strings and sets shoulder straps.  The corset is not laced extremely tight.  It is designed so that I am able to sit without problems.

Next, he  gives me the shirt, normally a buttoned shirt that is easy to put on, the lower part of the shirt it tucked into the tights.  The shirt can also be a T-shirt which is put on when the wall chain is opened.

Before that, the guard helps me into a long skirt.  My favorite is a long black leather skirt which has undergone some changes. For example, the waist chain  is sewn in the waist portion so that it is not completely visible. The skirt has a back zipper and the chain and lock fit in that spot.  The connector chain, which runs from my hobble chain up under my skirt, is locked to the same point.  The leather skirt also has three other holes at the waist, at the front and both sides.  Out of each of these is an O-ring which is attached to the waistchain.

I like the fact that my chains are out of sight, in addition, I like to think that the leather skirt silences the sound of chains a little.  When the skirt and waist chain is locked the guard puts on my “back chain”, it is a chain that is between my collar and waistchain. The chain is provided so that the guard can hold on to it when he moves me. It’s for my safety and it is also easy to control me.

Finally, especially in cool weather, I am able to wear a cardigan or a light shirt. I like the fact that my chains are a bit hidden. The chains are measured and cut exactly to the necessary length so that they are  always the same.  Finally, the guard puts me in handcuffs behind my back.

On the left side of my waist, on an O-ring, hangs my ballgag.  It is a black ball that is made for me with a leather strap which goes through the ball a little off centre so that when the ball is in my mouth the strap does not need to be extremely to place the ball is sufficiently deep in my mouth.  It also has a strap which passes around the chin. I hate it, but fortunately the ballgag has not been used for a long time, it acts as a deterrent to me talking too loud or when I am not supposed to.

Now I’m ready to move out of the cell. He leads me into the lobby, where there is a chair and a table for me.  The lobby also has a sofa, a remote-controlled TV and radio, etc.  The chair’s back is against the wall, in front of the chair, the floor has a locking point with a 30 cm long chain.  The guard locks  my hobblechain  to floorchain.  The chair is heavy and the chair’s seat and backrest are separated by a gap through which will pass a wall-mounted chain.  The guard locks the chain on to my waist chain. After this, he removes my handcuffs and moves the table closer to me to give me breakfast.

Breakfast usually includes a small dose of porridge (my choice), yogurt and orange juice. In addition to a bottle of water.  I eat my breakfast, and sometimes the guard stays with me, sometimes not.   After the meal, I have a chance to brush my hair and put on light make-up.  I usually only do a pony tail, etc. – I do not need to wear make-up normally.  Sometimes I also look at morning TV at this time. If the guard is gone, I have no hurry.  Now I’m ready to move on in my workroom.

The guard again locks my handcuffs, in front this time, he also locks them to the O-ring from my waist chain in front of me.  After that, he disconnects the floor chain and finally the wall chain. He helps me up and leads me to the workroom. The distance is about 5 meters.  My desk is in the corner of the room so that the chair is against the wall again.   The desktop behind can only be accessed from one direction. I sit in the chair and he locks me in the wall chain.  Next he goes around the table in front of me and locks the hobblechain to the floor chain.  After this, he removes my handcuffs.   On the desktop is all that I need – a computer monitor, keyboard and mouse.

He puts two bottles of water on the table and leaves the room. He locks the door … and I can hear how he locks the second door to the next, then he is gone.  That is a long explanation, but all of this takes about half an hour, no more.

At about 8:30 – 9:00, I will open my computer and read my work emails.  Sometimes I have plenty of messages but also there are days when I do not get any message.  I will do the urgent work first, and then the things that are not such a hurry, then I read the personal messages.  I always try to respond to them the same day.   When I sit for a long time, I am thankful that I have a panty liner/diaper, if I did not have it, the chain would press against my tail bone or buttocks.

12:00 – 13:00 is my break, the guard will come and using the same practice he transfers me to the lobby where I get something to eat. Generally, it is bread, salad and a cup of tea/juice.  If I want to, he will transport me to the lobby toilet.   Then I am transferred using the same practice back behind the desk in workroom.   I always have 2 bottles of water available.  If I have a lot of work, I work offline, but my online activity is not otherwise restricted.

sometime between 16:00 – 18:00 is my time to for outdoor activities.   The guard picks me up, and using the standard practice transports me outside.  If there is cold weather, he has a jacket to give me (and gloves if needed).  My outdoor place is in immediately next to my prison building, between the two buildings, in a sheltered place.  Since this place is a former kennel, there are old fences and other things that could easily be used for a prisoner.  Fortunately, they are not used in my control.

The only thing is a cable run between my building and another next to it.  It is a wire about two meters above the ground. Running along the cable is a chain which is about 1.5 meters long and therefore does not touch the ground.  The chain is locked to my waist chain and I am then “free” to walk back and forth.  My hands are restrained, usually in front of me, and not locked to the waist chain, which means that I can stop myself if I trip and fall.  The chain from the cable to my waist chain is not long enough for me to reach the ground, and so if I fall I am suspended by the waist and my head can hit the ground if I do not have my hands to stop myself.  Sometimes it is also possible to use the waist chain with side cuffs, I like them, if the chain is long enough.

I also have the choice to sit. If I want to sit, I have to inform the Guard in advance. The area has a heavy bench where I am locked if I so decide.  Sometimes I can not choose to walk on the run, mainly because when there is an outsider in the yard who could see me.   The advantage of sitting is that I can have my hands free.  Generally, I’ll walk.  People sometimes think of walking with the cable as humiliating – maybe it was at first but, in any case, it is the only chance for me to walk on a daily basis.  Between the houses I can see the nearby field and the woods behind it.   It has a beautiful view.

My outdoor time is 1 hour, then I am directed to the lobby where I can eat warm food.  I am restrained in the same way as before.  Food is often a microwave meal, bread and a salad and something to drink.  Before the new restraints were introduced I often sat on the sofa in the lobby to eat, but now I find that very hard because the back chain and corset makes me very upright and stiff – I cannot bend forward to put the food in my mouth.  Even just sitting on the sofa is not very comfortable because of my upright posture.

The lobby chair is higher and therefore easier to sit on, and the table is also very high. Eating there is easier and sitting there with my upright posture is more comfortable.  The table is relatively heavy but the guard always pushes it close to me when I eat so I sit like a child in the highchair.  After the meal, if I want to, I can once again go to the toilet. If I have a job, I get redirected to the workroom, but if I do not have a job unfinished, I can choose between the workroom and the lobby.  In the lobby  I can watch TV, listen to the stereo, read magazines and books.

Before the ‘new’ restraints and rules were introduced I liked to stay in the lobby.  I was able to move around a little bit and could walk between the table, the sofa and the toilet.  Now I am locked in to one place where I have to be for a long time.  These days I usually choose to sit in workroom.  I can use the computer and make even more work to do, or I can also use the computer to watch TV and listen to music.

I’m sitting there usually until 21:00 – 21:30, when it is time for my bedtime routines.  They take place in the reverse order of the morning.   At 22:00 I’m locked in the bed.

The times are very approximate, they can change a lot.  The security guard has much more to do and that is why I can sometimes have to wait a long time.  For that reason, the panty liner/diaper is a good solution, it gives me certainty if I have to wait.   The diaper features are needed only very-very rarely.  It is just a precaution.   I get clean clothes and accessories every morning.

My sleep arrangements have been the same for a very long time.  I sleep on my tummy and my hands are locked behind my back.  My arms are resting next to me and my hands and wrists are resting sideways on my back.  It took some time to get used to it but now it is very natural to me.

My Guard takes great care that I am comfortable and will be all right.  He arranges my pillow so that I do not have a problem with my collar, he also places small, molded pillows under my arms.  Finally, he puts a blanket on me.  In winter, when a thicker blanket is used, there is a hole in the middle of the blanket for my wrists.  Without the hole the cover is too heavy and weighs on my hands uncomfortably.  I would like for there also to be a cushion between my lower back and handcuffs, but this has not been approved. They have told me the only possibility would be a wide belt that would be attached to the bed. It is not mandatory, so I have not yet chosen it.   The Guard / Committee think about many things to ensure I am safe and well.

When all this is done, my Guard steps out of the cell, locks the door and turns off the light, then he leaves my department and locks the outer door.  When I’m locked in the bed …. It calms me down, I have a good and quiet feeling.  The guard has cared for me and ensured I am safe.  When I’m under of heavy blanket , it feels especially good.  Care centres and even kindergartens use heavy blankets if they need to calm hyperactive children.   I think a lot before I sleep … I think about a lot of things, including scenarios where I would be free. I think that I could never feel this good feeling if I am “free”.

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Three months in enhanced restraints

Last weekend was a great celebration of summer, the midnight sun, and only the week before it was snowing when I was in the yard outdoors!  Hopefully the warmer weather will stay now for a while.

It has now been three and a half months since I was placed in enhanced restraints, and almost three months since my corset was introduced.   As far as I know both will remain a part of my life for the long term.  I have very different experience with each one, however.

Corset

I have only good things to say about having the corset locked on me every day.  I like the support it gives and the feeling of a constant hug.  I got a new corset recently – it may be a little stiffer than the old one, but at the same time the material breathes better, so it is good for the summer months.  It also has elastic shoulder straps.

The corset now feels like the norm for me.  My corset lacing is always pretty much the same – my guard knows how tight to lace it, and another committee member, who made the corsets, checks occasionally that it is the correct tightness.  It is only laced tight enough to support me and give me the correct posture, but it could be much tighter I think. I do not get to decide how tight the corset is laced.

When I was sick recently the corset was laced looser than normal.  Then, I hated the fact that I could feel the collar and back chain, which is between the collar and waist.  When the corset is tightened normally I do not feel it, so I was relieved when it could be properly laced again.

One effect of wearing the corset all the time is that I am given six small portions of food per day.  Regular small meals seem to be the best when tightly corseted as there is less room for food.  As I move around so little I do not need to eat very much, and my committee and I have a good idea of how much food I should eat so that my weight is stable and I remain healthy.  Recently, for the first time this summer, there was a barbecue outside with meat, potatoes and salad.  I got to sit on my outdoor bench and enjoy a little of the barbecue food.

It would be really nice to spend such a day outside with friends and acquaintances, but I cannot have everything.  I always have to remember my position.

Living with the trestraints

My experience of the new restraints after more than three months is quite different to the corset.  There have been times recently when the leg irons have infuriated me, along with the fact that the hobble chains are locked to the floor and that I am constantly locked in a seated position.  It is hard to be so still – I want to exercise more, although I do still get my 1 hour of exercise per day.

My feelings and thoughts are like a roller coaster ride.  Sometimes the constraints and all of the, rules, procedures, locking systems and their backups annoy me very much.  But these thoughts are soon gone and then I see things from another point of view – tight constraints feel protective of me – it means that no one or nothing can take me away from here, I’m safe from all harm.  It makes me feel that nothing bad can hurt me, and for that feeling I’m willing to pay a lot.

I know that it is very strange but I feel safety and pleasure from the fact that I am locked in and taken care of.  Stricter rules keep my mind in check in some sense.  Of course I would like my life to be easier, but the prisoner must adapt, and chains, locks, routines, etc. are good things and a sign that all is well.

The fact that the rules are currently stable also has a calming effect … I do not want to have the opportunity to earn any kind of relaxation of my rules and restraints – that would only be a cause of stress for me.  Feelings of stability and that I have no possibility of freedom are very important to me, it doesn’t matter how difficult my restraints are, I know I will still be wearing them tomorrow and next week and next month.

I often compare myself with someone who has reduced mobility as a result of a permanent disability.  They have no option but still they carry on with life within their restrictions.  They are forced to adapt. They sort of “forget” their disability and move on, I respect them very much.

My growing limitation, and the possibility of further limitation in the future, can be compared to progressive disease that takes physical ability. Having the right attitude is important and I see getting used to such a high level of physical limitation as one of my major challenges. It takes a lot of time to adapt, perhaps even years, or it may be that I will never get used to it fully.

While my mind has a long way to go to adapt, my body already “remembers” that my restrictions are normal. Physically, the body adapts to the limits much quicker – some muscles atrophy because they are not used, then they are also not painful as in the beginning. I move as far as possible within my restraints – the only thing that is always limited are my feet, and the range of movement of my hips.  I think that if I was allowed to walk freely now, my steps would still be very short and it would take time for them to return to normal. Maybe not ever. In that respect I think that I have moved to “the next level” in a bondage prisoner’s life.

Physical constraints are only a part of all of this. It is possible to adapt to them.  It is harder to get used to the behaviour rules and the repeated practices.  The touch rule is very problematic, I want to have the opportunity to touch or be touched, and that is why I am sometimes more “helpless” than usual, that way I get more contact and intimacy, even for a moment.

But on the other hand, this is the prisoner’s life … Despite the difficulties,  I have no doubt about what I want and need.

Orgasms

Recently I have not been having my monthly orgasm days, for various reasons.  I enjoy an orgasm, but I have a strong understanding that I could live without it, without any problems. The orgasm day routine is not my ideal way to gain sexual satisfaction but it is part of my institutionalisation – I do not have a choice in how it is done and if it doesn’t work for me on a particular month I have no option but to wait.  I have to get used that.

My orgasms always require “going to the border” – pain, intense restraint etc. I am not sure how my body and my mind takes all that.  Sometimes I think I could live without sexual satisfaction – perhaps the same pleasure can be got some other way.  A good feeling of satisfaction can be obtained in many ways – for me any fondling and attention is satisfying because I get so little physical contact otherwise.  I also get satisfaction from pain and submission.  Anyway – I am not giving up on my orgasm days.  I must learn to make the best of them.  Maybe a little longer break will make it better.

The future

I still think often about permanent solutions.  As a teenager I saw a movie where a man escaped from a chain gang.  He had been wearing shackles so long that he still walked with tiny steps.  This idea affected me greatly and when I saw it I knew that this was my destiny.  As I have described above these things are happening to me slowly – in my hips especially.

I am interested by the idea that in the future there may be restraints that I could not go without.  For example after wearing my corsets for a number of years I will be no longer comfortable without one, as my back muscles will lose strength and conditioning.  This thought fascinates me.

I feel that learning to live with these permanent constraints and having no possibility of freedom from them would make me even happier.  Such things would bring stability to everyday life.

I also still want to have permanent marks of my status, for example tattoos and other brands – something that is permanent and that does not go away ever.  I would also like permanent ankle and wrist cuffs and a collar that cannot be removed.  As a teenager I had a self-locking chain collar, and often I also wore a self-made leather and nylon harness under my clothing. I had the idea that I must be ready for locking points that facilitate it that one day I will be closed and locked.  That idea has not gone away … it is still there and that is why permanent solutions are natural to me.  The hobble chain perhaps does not need to be permanent, it can be so, but it can also be lockable. Cuffs on the wrists and ankles can be permanent, perhaps at the elbows as well.

There are mental processes that will also make me feel like I have no possibility of freedom.  Continuing to become institutionalised to my prisoner’s life also helps with the goal of feeling that my captivity is permanent.  I know that one day I will be moved to a different prison, but it is important to me that all is stable in future.  That gives me the feeling of security I need and also helps enhance my feelings of institutionalisation.  I’m not afraid of the possibility that I will have additional constraints, they are only challenges that I must adapt to.

Knowing that this is my future, perhaps the biggest “dream” is to find a person who really understands my choices.  I have dreamed of finding someone who likes me and understands my choice, and that I will never be free.  He/she would sometimes visit here, etc, and would understood my rules and adapt to them.

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My guard returns

It turns out that my regular guard was only away on a two week holiday.  I was not aware he was coming back until he came to release me from the bed on Monday morning. I was surprised, relieved, and very angry. It infuriated me that they could not tell me of his journey.  I raged and cried out to him, but he got me to calm down, he sat on the side of the bed for a long time and kept his hand on my buttock, I felt his soothing touch and it felt good.   He said that to understand my reaction, but I need to learn to understand that the changes can take place at any time in the future.   The Committee understood my angry reaction, but at the same time gave me to understand that I can not behave like this in the future. In any case, I’m happy that he came back.  Now perhaps, at least for a time, there can be stability in my life.

The guard has gotten me a souvenir, or more accurately, a gift, a pair of beautiful and soft leather gloves, but he can not give them to me yet. I already have gloves and will have to wait until next fall to be allowed to use the new ones.  It is a beautiful idea from him, he knows what I like 🙂

My rules and procedures have now been updated to reflect the recent additions to my restraints.  As the committee have said that the additions apply ‘until further notice’, I assume that they are for the long term. You can find them here

Yours Sincerely,

Life prisoner Miisa Karlsson

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End of restraints trial and other significant changes

It has been a very eventful few weeks. The first thing to report is that the trial of my new restraints and procedures has ended, and it has been decided that all restraints and rules from the trial will be continued ‘until further notice’.  This means that I will need to adapt to wearing the corset, the back chain, the wall chain holding me in a seated position, the hobble chain being locked to the floor, and my new behaviour rules etc as a long term, daily reality.

Now that the trial has finished, and the few issues I had with the floor lock and the back chain have been fixed by the committee, I feel that I am comfortable with the idea that they will continue, both mentally and physically. I know that it is very strange but I feel a lot of safety and pleasure from the knowledge that I am locked in and taken care of. It helps me feel that nothing bad can hurt me, and for this feeling I’m willing to pay a lot. Chains, locks, routines, etc. are good things and a sign that all is well.

The corset is not too tight, and there is room to tighten it further in the future.  It does restrict my movement especially as it is equipped with shoulder straps. On the other hand, as I sit a lot, it keeps me upright and my shoulders straight. I do not even need the backrest on my desk chair. In addition, I feel that the shoulder straps help reduce head and neck pain – if your seating position is loose and you turn your shoulders forward, it presses the nerves and cause problems. 

So I do not have anything unpleasant to say about the corset! … Especially when it is designed and made ​​for sitting. It brings with it limitations, but the most important thing to me is that it gives me a “long and a big hug,” it calms me down. I get real hugs very rarely. I am interested in serious tight lacing, it would fit well with my lifestyle and choices, but now is not the time for that.  I do not have a say in how tight the corset is tightened – that is done by my guard, who has experience in tight lacing. 

Perhaps my biggest problem with all of these changes is not the actual restraints at all, but more the knowledge that this is not “normal”.  The idea of wanting or needing such things is still something I have difficulty with. On the other hand, the deeper I go, the less I feel like I have to explain my choice to live this life.

The most difficult aspect of all the new rules and procedures is the rule that I cannot speak without permission. This week there has been a very significant change in my life, in that my usual guard has left. I knew this was going to happen for some time, but did not know when. It seems the new speech rules were introduced to prepare me for my new guard, who is much more strict than my previous guard. She is very business-like and simply comes and moves me from one tether point to another not allowing me to speak. When her work is finished she asks me if I have anything to say. That is all. She is very stern, although I know her for a long time and for that reason I trust her.

Last Sunday, which was the day she became my full time guard, I did not follow the speech rules properly because I was asking for information about my old guard. For this reason I was punished by having a week without the internet and my monthly orgasm day was cancelled. I also have a ball gag attached all the time to my waist chain as a reminder that it will be used on me if I do not comply.

So as there is no end time to these new restraints and procedures, my Rules and Procedures page is being updated to reflect the way I am now restrained and dealt with every day.  An updated rules and procedures page will soon be ready.

Yours sincerely,

Life prisoner Miisa Karlsson

 

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Restraints trial update – two weeks

The trial of increased restraints and rules has now been going for more than two weeks. It will continue for at least another week, and I presume after that time the Committee will decide which restraints and rules they would like to keep for the longer term.

The trial to date has not been too difficult. The changes are still so new and I am still very aware of them, but I feel that I can take on the challenge. In time, when I do not have to focus on them, they will become normal routine. I do feel this is possible. I also have a feeling that because of the new rules the Committee are thinking about me more, the security guard does things for me and it feels strangely good.

There are a few things that have caused minor problems. The shortened hobble chain is not a major obstacle, but having the hobble chain directly connected to the floor was a problem.   I’m used to being able to move around a little bit, now that was blocked from me. It affects me a lot mentally. Physically, there have also been problems from my feet being so closely connected to the floor so I could hardly move my feet at all. The chair tether stops me standing up, so I am forced to sit in exactly the same way all the time. Sometimes I have found my legs have been numb after sitting this way for long periods, unable to move my feet. Also, when I sat in the lower, comfortable chair in my living room the floor chain placed pressure on my ankles, making them sore.

As this is a trial, the Committee are paying close attention to my complaints about these things, and on the weekend (the 2 week mark of my trial) they changed the floor mounting rule. My hobble chain is now connected to the floor by a 30 cm long chain. I am happy about this – it makes a very big difference. Mentally, I still know I cannot move anywhere, but I can move my legs enough that I can sit comfortably for long periods of time.

Another problem has been that the back chain pulls down on the back of the collar so it presses on my neck. The rear chain is not heavy but still it has enough weight to change the position of the collar so that it bothers me and if I forget and bend forward it presses harder on my neck. I cannot put any padding under it because there is no room, and also because I do not have anything to use. Sometimes I used to use a thin scarf (where the skin was a problem with normal wear of the collar in the past), but when the max security rules were introduced I could no longer use scarves.

Last week I asked if I could start wearing a corset. This is something I have been interested in for some time. The Committee said that this was possible, but told me my corsets must have shoulder straps added to them. They are of the opinion that because I am sitting almost all the time, the corset will enforce a good posture to prevent problems. I had complained to the Committee about the back chain problem, and in response, the committee told me that when I use a corset, it will hold me in such a way that I cannot bend forward and therefore cause the collar to press on my neck. Therefore they have told me that the back chain will stay there and the length will not be changed.

The Committee have added another measure to my trial. They have decided that my clothes need to be marked with a clear, wide vertical stripe down the side. This new provision has been carried out over the past week. Almost all of my clothes were taken so that the stripes can be sewn on. I do not like this, it is contrary to human dignity, but on the other hand, it is better than wearing a uniform.

 On Monday my clothing was returned to me. The skirts have a vertical stripe skirts and the other clothes have a large label with the word “prisoner” on them. I was quite shocked by this change, even though I knew it would be introduced. Being labelled in this way affected to me a surprising amount. My first thought was that I was glad no one can see me, and that I did not want anyone close to me or anyone to see me. Over time, I am sure I will get used to it.

This is, in a way, a trial of how I might react to having tattoos marking me as a prisoner, as has been discussed with the committee.  It is part of reminding the prisoner that she must be isolated from normal life. This all sounds very cruel but it is a way to get the prisoner to understand that she has no chance to return to a normal life.

The other addition on Monday was the corset. One of my committee members made it, and she did a very good job. It is an overbust model, and has wide and comfortable elastic shoulders straps, which hold my shoulders back and really help me keep in the upright position required by the back chain. My collar is no longer a problem because I am always in the correct posture and because in the back of the corset there is a tab which can be used to attach the chain, taking the weight of the chain off my neck. The bottom of the corset is designed so that I can sit comfortably.

On the back, above the belt line is a small box that holds the laces, so that I cannot undo the knot. So even though this was a suggestion I made to the committee, it has now become another thing I cannot remove. It feels like a bug hug.

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An evening during my restraints trial

This is a detailed description of an evening last week.  It gives you an idea of what my life is like, and the effects of the additional restraints and rules under my trial.

Early in the week my work is always hectic because I need to process a lot of sports photos from the weekend for magazine articles etc. I finished my work at 19:00. When the guard arrived, he locked my handcuffs and chain, and opened the wall chain and hobble chain floor mounting points. As required under the new rules I did not speak to him until he gave me permission.

I had been locked up for 6 hours. This is just too much when I can not move my legs, I realized only then how numb they were. My ankles were sore because of being in this position for so long. The guard led me to the lobby toilet where he locked a short chain to my collar. The chain is the correct length so that I am able to stand and sit to use the toilet. After that, he opened my handcuffs and waited for me to fulfil my needs.  I had a long wool skirt so it was easy for me to lift it compared to the leather skirt. I washed my hands, and then he locked my hands again.

He unlocked the chain from the wall and he escorted me to the living area on the couch. The journey was about 3 m. With his permission to speak, I asked if I could stand and walk a little bit because my legs were screaming for it, but I was told it was not possible so I sat in the chair and he locked me up and unlocked my handcuffs. He brought me a tray with a mug of water and my food and then went away.

The food was good – potatoes and cabbage rolls. Not very tasty but pretty good. Eating is a little tricky because there is a tray on my lap and I can not bend over very well because of the back chain. I have to lift the food up, which means it can drip, which upsets me, as I try to be a neat person.

He took the tray away and I sat and read magazines. In the evening I looked at the final episode of the Hostages TV series. The series was exciting all the time, I really enjoyed it. Then, I looked at the news. The situation in Ukraine is worrying.

Then at 22:30 the guard came back and asked if I would like to stretch my legs now, now he had more time. I was happy that he asked, after locking my hands he unlocked my chains and even helped me to my feet. It felt good. I walked into the lobby and tried to stretch the best I could. I asked for a moment that we could go out and walk, but I knew in advance that it is not possible and my request was refused.

He escorted me to my cell, locked my hobble chain to the floor, then he removed my handcuffs and waist chain. I took off my wool jacket and shirt. Then he locked the collar to wall chain , and I knelt down on a low stool facing the wall . Hands behind my head, waiting for him to take off my leg irons . I stood up, still facing the wall, and took off my skirt and panties. Again, my hands were cuffed behind my back. He removed the chain wall and led me to the toilet / shower. In the shower, he locked me to the tether chain there and opened my handcuffs. I washed , and I did all the necessary steps.

After this, he locked my hands behind my back, and led me to the bed. I lay down on my belly on the bed, and he locked a short chain from the head of the bed to my collar. Finally, he put on my leg cuffs, which were locked to the foot of the bed. Then he placed the pillow in the right position and tucked me in with a blanket. He said “good night” and dimmed the lights in the cell, then walked out and locked the cell door. After that, he locked the door of my part of the house.

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Restraints trial

Last weekend we started a new experiment involving new restraints and rules. To start with, my hobble chain has been made a little shorter than the standard chain. It is surprising to note that a few cm shortening of the chain means so much mentally. I am so accustomed to the previous chain length that I don’t even notice it when I walk, now that it is a bit shorter it feels really restrictive.

An additional rule is that my hobble chain is always locked to the floor when I sit. I did not move much previously, but I did have a longer tether chain when in my living area which allowed me to take a few steps. Now, my feet are pretty much locked to the floor. This is a big change – it means I cannot take a single step except when being escorted from place to place. My feet cannot move a lot because the chain is short. If I am wearing high heels my feet can move even less. It will be difficult. It is easiest in places where my chair is high. In a low chair, as in my living room, sitting is very difficult.

A chain has also been added between the back of my collar and my waist chain. It is tight enough that it feels like the collar is strangling me when I bend forward. When I sit very straight it is ok – all I feel is a slight tugging on the collar from the extra weight of the chain. Having the chain hanging down my back all the time feels degrading. It continues from the waist down so that it can be used as a tether, and I realize that it is practical, but because it is so visible, it bothers me.

When I am alone this new chain is used to tether me to the chair so I cannot stand. This is partly a safety measure because I could injure myself while trying to stand up wearing the the collar-waist chain and with my feet so firmly restrained.

This trial has made me think again about wearing a corset every day. If these rules remain, it would be useful – it would support my back because I now have to sit a lot. Perhaps the most important reason is that it would hold me in the correct position so the chain doesn’t tug on my collar. If I wore it I might forget the new chain.

In addition a few rules of behaviour have been tightened – I must remain quiet when the committee are with me and speak only with permission. For me, this is very difficult. I could learn with a gag, but I hate that idea. The gag acts as a deterrent, helping me to remember to remain quiet.

My new rules are valid everywhere and in every situation. They will last at least until the end of the month. More restrictive things might be added over time. The aim of the trial is to see whether some or all of the rules could be enforced for the long term, and perhaps to see if it leads to me being more focussed on my captivity. As my captivity is governed by the committee, it is important that I learn to adapt to changes in my restraints as the committee’s ideas change and develop. I have always done this in my captive life, however it is also important that I feel safe and well cared for. When the changes are explained, and there are trial periods so restraints can be improved or removed if necessary, it is easier for me to adapt in the long term.

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