Monthly Archives: December 2014

My new long term home

The move to my new long term location has now happened, after many years of anticipation.

At first I was confused, amazed and scared, but now … I do not know.  I may be crazy, but somehow all this flatters me.  All of this is built for me and thinking of me!  Construction and alterations have cost a lot and they have taken a tremendous time, and I see this as a new challenge.  After the initial shock it all seems to make sense.

Now I am really like a caged animal.  My new prison is like a big cage divided into three smaller parts.   The cell, with bed, shower  and toilet is in one area.  The second is the workroom and lounge area.  The third is a small room with access to my outdoor area.

The different areas are divided by heavy steel mesh.   Two sliding doors separate the rooms, with electronic locks.  On both sides of the main cage are walkways in which the guard can walk.  The cages have small hatches through which the guard can give me my food, clothes etc.   He does not have to come inside the cage.

On the ceiling is a steel rail.  From this hangs a chain which is connected to my waist chain.  The rail keeps me securely tethered – at most I can move within a 1m radius of the track of the rail above.  I can move along the rail between different areas and walk between the rooms of the cage if the doors are open, but the rails also have an electronic stop point in every room.  The guard must use the remote control so that I can go between rooms.

At the end of the complex there is also a room for visits.  In this room the cage, rail etc are not visible.  There are two sofas, a chair, a table and also a fireplace! It is a very cozy place.  I look forward to being able to see visitors there someday.

In most parts of the complex, including my cell, I cannot sit any more due to the fact that the track is not curved down there so the chain from the rail is not long enough.  This is not a problem for me, because in the work room the track curves down from the ceiling so I have a little more free play and can sit at my workbench.  I sit there much of the day so get plenty of time sitting down.  In the same room is a higher bench where I can stand and lean when I am eating my dinner .  There is no chair there so I cannot sit.  Once I have eaten I am taken back to the seat at the workbench.

Like before, I am not able to move freely between stations.  Each place has a locking system which my leg-irons chain can be locked to the floor, the guard can do it outside of the cage.  All things can be made so that the guard is in the cage outside.

The rail does not continue outside to my exercise area.  Instead there is a similar steel wire as in the past, but now parallel to the wall of the house. During outdoor activities my hands are locked, and the waist chain is attached to outdoor chain before the indoor chain is disconnected.  Then I can walk back and forth along the wire.

I have no waist chain closed when I am getting chainged and my corset and shirt, are removed, but otherwise I am attached to the rail all the time except when I am on the exercise run outside.

I sleep restrained in the same way as before, it is a bit uncomfortable because the temperature is not the same as before, I need some kind of pajamas … or at least a decent blanket for myself.  A number of routines etc not yet finalised – I understand that I will be getting a new personal guard or guards at some stage soon.


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I knew that the time for me to be moved was soon when I noticed that the guard spoke about the Committee using words like “they”, rather than “we.” I asked him about it in the morning and he told me that he is not part of the committee anymore, he is merely my guard and my place in his house is only until such time as the Committee to find me a new location.  It made me very sad, it was the end of an era for me and they not even told about it.

When it finally happened, the move was very fast. My former security guard sold his house more quickly than anyone imagined and the Committee had to get me out without much notice. I was taken away at a time when he was on my guard. I will miss him.  He goes forward to his new life and I am stuck to my place.  Maybe I have feelings for him, this seemed like such a natural arrangement, but this means moving forward for me too.  The transition towards total imprisonment in a place where I do not have emotional ties with persons or places to is scary but also very fascinating.  It is a part of what I’m looking for in my life.

My moving was very simple, I had my normal restraints, hands locked in front. I was dressed in a long skirt and short jacket, in addition I had a new and beautiful leather gloves. My guard, who I will no longer meet, brought them as a travel souvenir for me. I like the smell of new leather.  I was led to the car which was parked near the door, maybe 5 meters from it. I had to climb up slightly because the floor is high (minivan), my place was on the right, next to sliding door. This is the easiest and safest place for me. Vehicle entry was a little difficult because my upper body is rigid due to the corset and rear chain.

As I sat in the car the seat belt was put on me, then my leg cuffs chain was locked under the seat. I was able to move my legs a little. Next, they put me in a supplementary loop belt which pulled my hips tightly to the bench, and my collar was locked to one of the back seats so that I need to sit very upright. The seat is not designed for use in a corset so it was a bit fraught. In addition, the lower part of the corset felt unpleasant because my feet were at a different angle than usual.

Finally, I got a wide belt that went around me and the seat. This was so I did not tilt while cornering or in the case of an accident. It was for my safety but it also caused unnecessary tension, like another corset. Since it was already evening and was almost dark I could sit normally and no one could see that I was locked in the seat. I liked the feeling that I was like a normal person, but secured tightly. The driving distance was not more than an hour, the greatest part of the trip was on the highway so there was not much to look at but still I enjoyed every minute of it.

Since the move happened very quickly, my new place was not completely finished. Therefore, I was transported to the room in the same house, I’m in this room as long as the modifications in the house are finished. The room is 5×4 m, a mattress on the floor and a table with my computer (and chair).  My wallchain is attached to a corner so that I can move everywhere except the door. I think that this is a former clothing / dressing room. Its only window is a narrow window on top of the wall. I can go to toilet in the morning and in the evening when the renovation of the men have left. Then I can also take a shower. I have a bucket in the room here in case of emergency. Water I always have and also fruits, as well as small snacks, and I have food two times a day (I eat a little bit, but I try to eat several times).

I have been able to hear how the modifications going on in the house – the sounds of heavy machinery, hammering, sawing and welding.  As there were sometimes foreign workers in the house I need to be quiet all day.  The first two days I had a lockable ball gag, it was mostly a reminder and a lesson for me … I know how to be silent, even without it.  I still do not know why things happened so fast but the Committee is of the opinion that the guard was too gentle for me. Perhaps it was due to our common past.   In any case, it is time to get back in the right discipline and order, they said. I have not yet seen the new members of the Committee, but perhaps because of he/she things are more stringent … a new beginning.

Because of the work I have not had any exercise time – I’ve been inside all the time, but that is not necessarily a bad thing … the weather here is tedious. Tomorrow should be snowing, winter is coming.  This transition is a little scary. I’m a little tense because I know that there are a lot of new things for me. Confused thoughts. I’ll admit that I am nervous, but at the same time I am a happy and satisfied.  It satisfies me to hear the sounds of alterations in this house…. changes being made for me.  It is a strange way of fine.  I’m not afraid, I’m really proud of all this.  Extradition is not an option, this is my life.

In my new prison many things will probably change – things will be more automatic and institutionalised. The idea is that the guard will not need to spend too much time on my routines. This is probably the last day in this room, I want to get out of here, but at the same time the tension is growing…


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End of hand restraints trial

Much has happened since my last post.   The hand restraints trial lasted four weeks.  In the middle of it the committee tried, at my request, a different method of restraining my hands.  They replaced the chain between my wrists with a wire.  It was not a good idea as the wire was too stiff – even when the cable was not pulled tight it still restricted my movements as it did not bend easily like a chain. It was almost like a steel rod.  The only good thing was that it glided silently behind my back when I switched hands.

One reason this new trial was so difficult was that they didn’t pass the cable only through the rear o-ring – it was also threaded through the locks on my waist chain on each side.  On each side there was only 10 cm free play, so when one hand was held to the side of my waist, the other had only 20 cm reach.  It felt like my hands were locked to my sides, I do not understand why they did it this way.  When I suggested the wire, I assumed that it would only pass through the rear O-ring.  It meant I had trouble doing even basic things for myself.  I had to live with it for a number of days before they returned me to the chain between my wrists.

By the end of the four weeks I was longing to return to having hands free, even if it meant having my feet more closely restrained again.  I have to say that I did not like the hand restraints experiment.  It was great that my legs had more movement but I hated the handcuffs.  Since I’m right-handed, my left hand was always held behind my back. I found the best position was to have my palm facing outward, and my thumb between the vertical chain and my back.  The left hand was useless and had to remain in the same position for a long time causing problems. Since I have a corset I sat the whole time a little skewed. Not good for my neck and shoulders.

There were some things done to improve things – my table was moved closer to me so that it was touching my belly, and this gave me more relief in my left hand and in my neck and shoulders.  I worked with the right hand, but the other things I tried to do with the left hand, such as eating, etc.  I’m a bit clumsy with the left hand so everything I did took more time.  It annoyed me.  The relatively short chain also caused other problems in practice. I needed help, for example to use the toilet.  It was humiliating, even though the guard sees me naked every night and morning anyway.  I was glad when it finished but in some ways, I was grateful for this opportunity to try out changes – it gave some variety in an otherwise dull routine.

One thing about the hand restraints was that they made it easier for the guard to move me from place to place.  My hands could be quickly restrained without extra locks etc.  The current guard enjoyed and wanted to spend time with my routines.  Perhaps the next guard / guards do not wish to do so, and I think the committee might have been looking for routines and practices that take as little as possible of others time.

There was also a new rule introduced at this time that my chains must be visible at all times.  In the past I have used long skirts because they hide my ankle and connection chains.  Now, they must be visible at all times that they can be checked at any time. Basically, I understand that rule, but still … how could I try to break the chain or the lock anyway?  It seems very dull, a small change which affects me a lot.  When the hand restraint trial finished this became a part of my normal rules and so I must live with it for the long term.

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