Six months and six years

Miisa has reached a number of milestones in her captive life this month.  While a prisoner shouldn’t celebrate her time in captivity, it is perhaps worthwhile marking these events when they occur.

They are as follows:

Six months in enhanced restraints

It has been six months since Miisa’s committee introduced the enhanced restraints, corset and speaking rules.  For the past six months she has been locked in a seated position, with ankle chain attached to the floor, whenever she is not having her exercise time or being moved from one room to another,  i.e. for all but a little over an hour of her day.  I asked her how she is adapting to this life now that it has been so long.

Miisa:  I think that I have adapted well to the “new” restrictions mentally, it means that I do not even try things that I can not do.  But then, however, there are days when I am very frustrated and angry that I have such strict limitations.  So, I have not fully adapted to this … it takes years, maybe I could not fully adapt to it ever.

The human body is made to move, it is quite clear.  My restraints prevent the normal movement of my limbs and there are a lot of the movements that I have not been able to do for a long time. I am able to move to some extent during my hour of exercise, which is a good thing.

The corset is a good thing but it is a double-edged sword.  It supports me and gives good posture but on the other hand my stomach and back muscles weaken due to inactivity. 

As for other restraints, none are planned as far as Miisa is aware, although a contributer to the Captivegirl yahoo group did suggest that Miisa wear a neck corset.

 Miisa:  I can not say that the idea did not intrigue me.  Use of a neck corset would mean some changes in my desk height, etc, but on the other hand, good posture could save me from problems in future years.

And what if you could choose your reswtraints?

Miisa:  If I could choose, maybe I would like to return to the old rules, plus a corset … in some cases I would give up using some of the restraints completely.

But Miisa knows that it is not her place, as prisoner, to choose how she is restrained.

Miisa:  The prisoner can not be dominant.  If I could decide, I would have lightweight and easy limitations.  But it does not go that way.  The prisoner can not choose how she/he is restricted.  She may be able to make it easier for good behavior, but the basics remain.

The current situation is a good example, I think a floor lock and a short wall chain are unnecessary but still they are there.  Night arrangements and locking are overstated but still they are there.   A lot of things are useless but still they are there.  I have not chosen these things, but I accept them.  As a prisoner I’m supposed to accept all and to adapt to them, including any new arrangements.

By coincidence, the time Miisa’s enhanced restraints began is also about the time her monthly orgasm days were ceased by mutual arrangement between Miisa and her committee.   This means it has been close to six months since her last orgasm.

Miisa:  In prisoner life there are a lot of limitations and things prisoner  can’t do.  Adapting to this can  take a long time. But when there has been sufficient time for adjustment, it is possible to accept almost anything.   I miss many things: sometimes I miss the freedom, friends, relatives … the cafe mornings, evenings partying … very ordinary things like shopping visits. I miss the rain drops on my face.

At the same category also includes orgasms, I have not lost them, but sometimes need to take a break so that I can fully enjoy them.  My orgasm days became almost a mechanical function.  There was no tender loving touch, and as a result they were not really working for me.

Amazingly, going completely without orgasm has not been a big problem for me so far.  Deficiencies can be replaced by other things, I enjoy the feeling of touching … when my corset is tightened, the routines are carried out, they are small things that to me are my most treasured moments.  That time the person performing the routines only focuses on me and it feels good. 

I think that I miss more of everything else related to sex, and when all the attention is on me any kind of touch feels good, it’s good enough for me now.  It gives me good feelings, I have not thought of it before, but it does. The best thing is that because I have the exact program for when I am handled this way each day I can be sure that the treatment and those feelings will continue, and I even know the time and method.

6 years in captivity

Miisa’s captivity became serious and full time at roughly this time of year in 2008.  That is the last time she went unrestrained and could move freely between rooms or choose to leave her prison.  Having such a long time in captivity, the prospect of returning to the outside world seems like it would be a very hard step to take.

Miisa:  It is true that living in freedom would be difficult for me. Very difficult.   I’m like an animal in a cage.  If it is released, it does not know how to live, and therefore looks to return to its cage.  Not a very good picture of the future!   Therefore, this is for me a life-long solution.

This has certain risks in the long term. Now, the Committee would like to do this and is interested in me and what changes will  happen to the prisoner in the long term.  In order to ensure that my imprisonment remains constant and secure, I have to give them all the power so that they maintain their interest. Otherwise, I could become a burden to them, and they might want to release me.  It is my greatest fear.  There is no reason to fear now, but what about sometime in the future?  No one can be sure what will happen.

Miisa sees there really being only two options in her life – one is freedom, in which her instituationalisation to prison life and her need for captivity would make her life unhappy and very limited, at least for several years until she could re-adapt or find another arrangement.  The other is captivity at the hands of a committee, the way she lives now.  Other options that could maintain her captive life, such as paying someone to be her guard, or using her imprisonement as a form of income, or imprisonment at the hands of friends and family, would not work as she explains:

Miisa:  It would be very strange that my family would be involved in my prisoner life.   It is a beautiful idea and gives me a lot of good ideas, but in real life it does not work.   Even if they agreed to do it, it would not work for me – I need discipline, rules, well established things.   It is a fact which can not be compromised.

Strangely, it would also not work for me at all if I paid someone to do the work of guard.   It could not be so, because then it would be just a game.  The idea of being held captive by paying online customers is also an idea that does not work for me.  Then I would be like an animal locked in a zoo (maybe I am like that already), I don’t think I am ready for that. 

I do not see any other option than to live under a committee (or the like) that is committed to my lifestyle of their own will, not for money .  I have faith in my Committee, because the members are many and they need to be in agreement when they make decisions.   I do not think they want to make bad decisions.

 It is a fact that the members of the Committee are subject to change but it will not happen overnight, and I trust that they will try to select a new member who has similar ideas to them so that my imprisonment is stable and secure.  This will happen soon – for the first time a member of the Committee’s composition changes, but I am not worried about it.

I have very long road to full adaptation and life-long imprisonment.   I have adapted well to my personal limitations, they annoy me, but I can live with them.  I’ve got quite a long way and it would be a worst case scenario if I would have to return back to “freedom”. 

One of the things that sustains Miisa in her captive life is her work, which means she gets to see hundreds of photos of people and events every day, giving her a window on the outside world.

Miisa:  I am grateful that I have an interesting daily work.  I can only imagine how sad and boring it would be if I were always locked in a cell without something sensible to do.  The work can be repetative, but it is still fun … I can see all kinds of things and events!

My work has a lot of potential to expand, but at the moment I am getting enough work work to keep me occupied, but with no great stress or hurry.  I am happy with my current situation.

Maybe someday if I earn enough I could donate my possessions to someone in need.  Maybe I could  establish a foundation that supports the study of women prisoners, or which helps female prisoners when they are released. Often the woman’s life is ruined, at that point the appropriate support would be good, for example help finding an apartment, a job, circle of friends etc.  I would like to choose to subsidise certain prisoners – ordinary women who have been in trouble. People who still have hope.

On the other hand, I may need money to create my own custom prison, where the committee could keep me in the future and where I could be imprisoned for life.  It is a nice idea, to have a cottage that has been converted into a prison, just for me.  It awakens my imagination and fascinates me.

18 months since she left her prison, which was for a doctor’s visit.  Apart from this it has been over 2.5 years since the last visit outside her prison which was not for the necessity of a medical checkup.

Miisa:  Apart from the docotrs checkup, the last time I was taken outside was winter 2011-2012.  I remember this because then I had a long coat with holes in the pockets so I could go out wearing the waist chain with sidecuffs.  On that last time we only went to McDonalds In the drive through and then we toured the city.   It was fun! 

I know that the committee has discussed the things that would bring a change in my monotonous rhythm. I can not tell exactly what they are planning.  It would be nice to get out of here for a while but it is very unlikely.  Most likely they are thinking of changes to routines within the prison.  I’m not worried about the changes, if the Committee so desires.  If they modify my routines it might actually brighten up my normal everyday life.

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